This past Sunday, Pastor Dave answered the question, “Are Christians narrow-minded about Sex?” When you think about loving people and sexuality, most of us would say that these two things have everything to do with each other. But surprisingly there is a lot of sexual activity in our culture that has little to do with love. pornography, self-gratification, sexual experimentation and preferences and even sex in the media and advertisement has more to do with lust, than love. Lust, by definition, is having a passionate desire for something. When you have a passionate desire for something, most of the time you will do whatever it takes to satisfy your desire. We might say we “love chocolate” or we “love doritos”, but it seems like more of an expression of lust when you think about how far people will go to satisfy their craving or desire. Lots of times people treat sex in the same way, saying “I love you” to a person , but then turning around and using that person only to satisfy a sexual craving. Other times, it becomes less about any other person at all, and more about just getting what “I desire.” This is not the way God planned it. Love, by definition from 1 Corinthians 13 paraphrased, is patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not proud, not dishonouring nor self-seeking.
Sex within a monogamous marriage relationship, between a husband and wife, is meant to be the most exciting and pleasing of sexual relationships, because it's the way God planned it. I kind of think of it like a fenced in yard. When I was a kid, there was always this pull, when you came to a fence, to hop it or to try to see what’s on the other side. It just felt like that fence was a barrier holding you back from something amazing to be experienced once you hop the fence. Usually, when I would hop the fence, there was an initial adrenaline rush and some pleasure, but I was in uncharted territory and I really didn’t know what could potentially happen or what dangers were there. God’s confinement of sex to the marriage relationship between a husband and wife, is a lot like that fence. Within the fence, sex is meant to be safe, pleasing and filled with deep commitment and love. Two spouses who enter in to it as virgins, can have the most satisfying of sexual relationships.
Unfortunately, none of us are perfect and because of the sexually charged culture we live in, it has become more and more difficult for single men and single women to keep themselves sexually pure when entering into marriage. However, there are still some singles who are saving their sexual activity for marriage and I say “Kudos” to you! It will be well worth the wait. For those singles who find themselves having made some poor sexual choices, there is the opportunity for a second chance. Choices can be made, personal boundaries can be established, accountability can be started, and potentially compromising situations can be avoided. You can start today with the thought, “I am saving myself for Marriage”, and then make a plan and install what’s needed in your life to help make that a reality, with God’s help. And for those who have entered into marriage having made some poor past choices or carry some past baggage or maybe even feel like you are a “damaged good”, there is the opportunity to experience sex as God meant it to be. But you will quickly find that the path to that kind of satisfaction begins with focusing more on the satisfaction of your spouse. It is when a marriage partner puts the other partner's needs above their own, that sex and love begin to go “hand in hand”. If this is a narrow-minded view of sex, then I’m all for it.