In the early hours of January 1, I sat alone on an empty Go train on my way into a shift at the hospital for work. It was just me, my reflection in the windows against the dark sky, and a journal I brought to pen my thoughts for the end of the year. I was in the beginning of what would be one of the most painful and emotionally draining seasons of my life and I had no idea. I wanted to wrap 2019 around with a neat little bow and lean forward with hopeful expectation into the year ahead, believing that 2020 would be the year everything came together for me. I penned in big letters the word faithfulness, which later came to be far more profound than I could have known in that moment.
“Faithful. When your world is falling apart and a global pandemic is merely icing on the cake, you don’t usually use this term to describe a God who is in control.”
Faithful. When your world is falling apart and a global pandemic is merely icing on the cake, you don’t usually use this term to describe a God who is in control. To me, faithfulness looked like God answering my cries when I wanted him to and exactly as I asked. I believed a good God wouldn’t keep good things from me. So why was I experiencing loss and heartbreak causing emotional pain to the point of physical symptoms?
The verse in Psalms 84:11 rang loud in my ears “He withholds no good thing from those whose walk is blameless”.
It wasn’t until after months of processing and hours of therapy (eek, being vulnerable here), that I came to understand what is meant by that verse. My expectation of “good” things are material things, and they aren’t all bad. Some of them are actually, truly, good things, but they aren’t the ultimate good thing. Are you lost yet? A good career, money, a happy family, or even your health, isn’t guaranteed by God. They aren’t part of his promises to you. If anything, He actually promises that you will experience really hard stuff.
My dad shared this with me when I was in the middle of my hard season and I thought, since we are all friends here, I would share some of that wisdom with you. Consider it my free gift to you…
God is always in the business of either providing or protecting. Sometimes the things that come to us are his hand generously allowing good things to enter into our lives. His provision often comes in ways we wouldn’t choose for ourselves but are nonetheless perfect and right. Sometimes He withholds things from us. Protecting us from what, we don’t always know. But always sheltering us from that which we are not meant to receive. I may never live to understand why X, Y or Z happened in my life, but when I can’t see the hand of God, I can trust in who He is. He is always leading us to places we may not be able to get to on our own, refining and maturing our character if we allow him to.
If you are in the middle of a hard season right now, I want to start off by saying I’m so sorry. The kind of pain that aches to your core and makes you feel like you can’t stand - I know it well. The Israelites spent 40 years in the desert, a detour I’m not sure any of them were excited about taking. But still, He led them through the wilderness, guiding their steps, providing for their every need. He parted the sea at the perfect time. Not a moment late.
I’ve come to learn that God is always working behind the scenes. Moving people into places and fitting the pieces of our lives together in ways we can’t picture from our limited perspective. In all things he is Faithful, give him room to show you! In every season. In every circumstance. He withholds NO GOOD THING. Which is ultimately himself – the best “thing” there is! His presence is a promise that can keep us standing upright when everything else seems to be tumbling down around us.
Here’s to walking into another year of looking for the Faithfulness of God together in 2021!
Photo Credit: @Andrearhowey